|
[25 Apr 2006|04:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the gossip - bring it on |
] |
i don't know why that would bother me so much.
probably because it isn't right.
it's actually kind of mean.
but not directly.
i guess that's why you wouldn't understand.
i don't know why i'm trying to stall.
the more i get done tonight, the more i don't have to worry about.
this week has been intense.
too much work to do.
too many tests.
finals.study.papers.5.driving.exhausting.emotions.tests.assignments.lastweek.free.nothingisfree.takeadvantage.goahead.feelingsdon'tmatter.selfish.toomuchwork.notworkingenough.canigetby.tooold.notoldenough.youaren'tthesame.butitdoesn'tbotherme.sleepdeprivation.healthy.notquite.caving.drowning.can'tfigureoutwhattodo.notright.butleft.thenwhat.hurt.lie.love.toomuch.notenough.change.noise.compliment.insult.thankyou.help.notavailable.escape.notachance.listen.newdirection.leaving.hard.cry.smile.i'mgladyoucan.talk.secrets.notfair.retainthis.losethat.can'tdoit.
i feel like screaming.
and i miss you.
but i'm hurting you.
and i don't know you.
and i can't see you.
and i need to talk to you.
i don't know what happened to you.
and you aren't the same you.
none of you are.
i'm not.
there are too many you's.
not enough we's.
i can't wait to go home.
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2006|04:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
daughters - the ghost with the most |
] |
someone is bound to get hurt. and i don't know who it is yet. it isn't fair, is it?
it's awesome. people i've known for so long. fuck you.
and i don't ever sincerely say that to people.
but here is a big, sincere, fuck you.
never do anything nice for anyone.
never love anyone.
never care.
never.
surely, gainesville is not far enough.
i really think i'm going insane.
|
|
|
[17 Feb 2006|07:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fear before the march of flames |
] |
i'm so gullible. it's all i keep thinking about, and it really means nothing at all.
it's time for a big change.
this time the change is coming from my mouth. i will not give you the chance to do it again.
i need to go somewhere other than jacksonville and gainesville.
i need to go to tallahassee.
sarasota.
atlanta.
savannah.
philadelhia.
new york.
new jersey.
europe.
south america.
africa.
international rockstar.
it's odd that jordan and i got sick at the same time, remained sick for a week, and then recovered at the same time. we're soul mates. our wedding is tomorrow amidst the birthday festivities. there will be festivities.
hallelujah at the pit tonight, hopefully i'll be attending. i kinda like those boys. but i'm really just going for robert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss bert no shirt! i wish i could have seen him last weekend, but work is far more important that anything else. psych.
|
|
|
[12 Jan 2006|12:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
of montreal - the party's crashing us |
] |
it goes a little something like this.
i need a haircut.
i want to get a new tattoo.
i've become a compulsive consumer.
and by consume, i mean buying things.
i miss people entirely too much.
i hate my classes. with the exception of genetic and evolution.
and there aren't enough forces to keep me in this city.
but, i have to grow up, and live independently for a while.
until i get married when i'm 19 and have 7 babies.
i can't wait until the festival. tangerine!
and the benefit show this weekend.
on sunday at tsi.
beginning at 9pm.
everybody must come!
|
|
| take your foot off the break. |
[20 Nov 2005|12:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ghost mice - oh sister |
] |
the fest was insane.
completely insane. and glorious.
i really enjoyed it.
i have a new wound. it's adorable.
well i think so.
i really don't think i have anything left to say.
|
|
| far away from west virginia |
[01 Nov 2005|01:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bob dylan - subterranian homesick blues |
] |
i miss caitie, and i just saw here two days ago. i really miss seeing her everyday.
but i cannot come back to jacksonville.
i cannot live there.
i need to stay here.
i think i'll just keep telling myself that until my mind actually fully believes it.
figure out what you want to do with your life.
that seems to be the reoccurring theme these days.
well i'm sorry mister man, i just don't know yet.
debauchery.
life.
for some reason my sensitive side is making a full blown constant appearance. i cried for two hours yesterday. i cried this morning. over stupid little things. and over things that certain people would think are stupid. i don't understand. i mean i am really sesitive to a lot, but last night was completely uncalled for.
ghost.
|
|
|
[14 Oct 2005|10:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cinemechanica - the professor burns vegas |
] |
today has been the laziest day ever.
i was supposed to go to savannah.
but you know, things like that never work out for me. EVER.
it's ok though, dustin is coming here and we're going to see grand buffet. can't wait.
i finally have a job interview. thank god.
it is way too hard to find a job down here. too hard.
hopefully i'll be selling overly developed pre-teens really expensive clothes that are way too revealing that they'll just grow out of in a year. that is my dream job.
actually, i just want to deliver newspapers. be a newspaper boy. i mean girl.
i really should study for my midterm. i just don't feel like it. it bores me.
and i really don't want to start my other classes next monday. the schedules here are all out of whack and i don't start the rest of my classes for this semester until next monday. 2-9:45. that can't be too fun.
and i still need to go talk to an advisor about cleping out of two classes. they are pointless and i took them in highschool. i hate the way this school works.
this is the reason the freshman 15 exsist. all we do is sit on our asses and eat. all day.
sweet.
i can't wait for halloween. i think i'm going to be an airplane. the costume is so phalic. it's great.
blood brothers. saturday the 30th. that is also great.
jeremy turns 20 on halloween. ewwww. he's old. juuuuust kidding.
please, please, please forgive this ridiculous vomit of thoughts.
|
|
|
[25 Sep 2005|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the magnetic fields - i don't want to get over you |
] |
one.
eight.
decemberists tomorrow.
the last time i was this excited,
was when jordan surprised me.
well i mean, i knew she was coming, but she didn't tell me when.
twas cute.
BRRRRRRAAAANNNNIII! ohhh i can't wait to see her!
i'm puttin holes in mah face.
i honestly don't think that turner classic movies has left my tv for the past two weeks.
well i mean, except when i watch laguna beach, or the oc.
i need a haircut.
and new clothes.
i want to go back to sarasota.
i'm actually debating whether or not to transfer down there.
i love everything about new college.
and gainesville is turning me into a sorority girl.
seriously. tailgating? why, why would i do this to myself?
i think i'm going to dye my hair again. i dyed some of it red.
but i think i miss having black hair.
but it was too much of a hassle to get out. maybe just reeeaaaal dark brown.
i need to stop fuckng with my hair before it falls out.
i love to ramble. forgive me, if you've gotten this far.
|
|
|
[17 Sep 2005|03:37pm] |
I'M LEGAL!!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
TO ME!
|
|
|
[07 Sep 2005|04:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the misfits - we are 138 |
] |
my mom is having a boy.
baby boys are cute.
i'll kill any bitch who breaks his heart.
i'll probably kill any bitch who dates him, or has a crush on him.
he's still a fetus, but i just thought i'd throw that out there.
i'm probably the happiest girl in the world right now.
|
|
| i love dinosaurs. and jordan. |
[25 Aug 2005|11:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
camera obscura - i turn my camera on |
] |
i ate cereal with green milk. it was delicious.
i'm pretty stoked on the fact that i only have class on tuesday and thursday for the next two months.
and the fact that i'm going to sarasota. for sex and candy.
you're jealous.
there are waaaaaaay too many gator fanatics down here.
i guess i expected that.
i like phone calls in the middle of the night.
especially from john. yay.
i miss john.
and high life.
fuck some natural ice.
i want the champagne of beers. only the best.
tell me i'm wrong.
the boys across the hall are so nice. the security guards are not.
fuck noise control.
over and out.
|
|
| something tells me. |
[18 Aug 2005|03:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dead prez - walk like a warrior |
] |
i leave in 4 days. i kept saying 3, but i lied.
its 4.
i'm scared. and i miss you soooooo much.
come back to me and we'll go to disney world.
i really don't know what to say about recent events.
i've become the female version of a boy that i completely hate.
how could i honestly let that happen. i don't know.
maybe that is the reason i hate you so much.
i completely agree with caitie.
i hope to see your face again.
i guess there is nothing else to say,
except,
goodbye jacksonville.
|
|
| why can't i |
[03 Jul 2005|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
led zeppelin - no quarter |
] |
ever, ever keep one good thing going.
and it doesn't matter because you're not here now.
but goddamnit. you mean so much to me. and you probably don't believe that.
very unexpected.
i'm sick of doing everything for other people. wasting my money and time for other people.
and when i want to do something, even if it's only for five minutes,
ohhhhhhhh nooooo it can't be done.
well fuck off.
why don't you guys go get other bitches.
this bitch is done.
my job is so fun.
i love it.
i sound so bipolar.
that reminds me of coca cola and polar bears.
texas two men. don't play and then smoke. you won't know what hit you.
give me a zima and a virginia slim.... stat.
i swear, i don't even take myself seriously.
|
|
| there must be some kind of way out of here. |
[26 Jun 2005|02:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
queen - killer queen |
] |
july. ninth.
not too far away.
take me far away.
i need to shower.
and stop being a guy.
last night was by far the weirdest night i've ever experienced in my life.
it was kind of funny though.
sale of alcohol. 24 hrs.
let's move there.
new ink. i like it.
my mommy was proud.
fuck. i don't know what the fuck is going on with me lately.
my feelings are all out of whack.
how could i cry over you. you mean nothing to me anymore.
but then i turn around and claim to have feelings for someone else.
and i do. but maybe i don't want to.
the lack of consistancy is what is killing me.
i don't play those games.
one week. won't matter.
the dolls are splitting.
i need a beer.
|
|
|
[06 Jun 2005|01:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
shhhh.. this is a library. |
] |
too many fucking people are leaving.
i can't imagine what it will be like without you two here.
it won't be the same, obviously.
just pretend you don't hate jacksonville. trust me. it'll work.
i'm leaving soon. but still.
i don't know.
i can't think anymore.
my brain doesn't function.
it might as well drain out through my ears so i'll have more room for beer.
psych.
but seriously. something needs to change.
but i guess i've done enough changing already.
how could i let things get this bad between us.
i know things work both ways, but how could i have let things get this bad.
i'm sorry. really. truly.
its something that needs to be discussed.
yet neither one of us seem to want to start the conversation.
on a lighter note. i like you.
you don't think so. but i do.
i like it when you hold my hand when i'm falling asleep.
its not like it really matters though, austin is far superior to jacksonville. guess i'll have to hold my own hand now.
i wish you wouldn't go.
too bad i'm young.
but you love it. don't hate. 10+7= fuuuuuuuuun.
i'll kiss you like a girl, and you'll love it. fucking champion.
i need some food. and a job.
job hunting with my guuuurrllls.
lsd. what do you know about it.
|
|
| i'm not the percent you think survives |
[03 May 2005|12:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mars volta - televators |
] |
i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed something.
someone.
some.
so.
i would love to wake up tomorrow and never have to look at douglas anderson again.
but i guess i'm just not that lucky.
last night of tsi.
i got drunk.
fo freeeeee.
what will i do with my summer without.
just without.
our one acts go up in a week, and ours isn't ready at all.
fuuuuuuuuuuck.
i'm too lazy. what the hell.
what the hell am i still doing here, i have to sleep.
but i can't sleep without you.
|
|
| i'd fly across the sk if you'd be here with me tonight |
[27 Apr 2005|12:13am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
death cab for cutie - this temporary life |
] |
i had the urge to write something down.
that i probably shouldn't say here.
things have been so good.
work sucks. but money is ok.
i mean money is kind of growing on me.
i love erin too much for words.
she keeps me sane.
and muh nigga caitie.
they muh gurls.
i hope hope hope i pass english.
if i would only go to school.
i can't blame that on anyone but myself.
this is so unusual for me.
everything i do is unusual.
think about it.
i should probably buy some clothes or something soon. i don't know where they keep going...
and maybe some shoes. my belts are disappearing as well. stop taking my shit or i'll cut you.
i can't wait much longer to get my monroe. i'm so anxious.
i wish i was an adult.
if i think about this one more time i'll be in the same situation i was last year.
i can't help but think about this. its what i want. and probably a little of what i need.
it needs to happen. i've seen it twice, recently, for other people. and i've decided its my turn.
lets meet in our dreams.
i promise we can do anything you'd like.
and i promise to make it perfect.
|
|
| i guess i just wanted to say.. |
[19 Feb 2005|04:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
every time i die - off broadway |
] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GIRL IN THE WORLD... JORDANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
and also,
MURPHY GRIFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you are enjoying your 18th year so far, it only gets better..
not that i would know.
but, I LOVE BOTH OF YOU!
enjoy!!
|
|
| i wish i could read |
[30 Jan 2005|02:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 shocked |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the blood brothers |
] |
auschwitz documentary. tight.
last night was shitty.
but so fun at the same time.
fuck some bitches.
i'll kill them.
thank god for audrey and amanda.
triple a.
i think i'm gonna cut my herr.
again.
short hair is sweet.
i'll do it, you'll like it.
trust me on that one.
the destroyer will fuck you. mercilessly.
up the butt.
and you'll probably like it.
pretty much i'm over school. i'll probably just drop out.
psych.
but seriously.
why you frontin'?
|
|
| ROBOTS!!!! |
[26 Jan 2005|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hot |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hallelujah |
] |
damn robots are so sweet.
especially robots like robert.
he drank 3 quarts of amanda juice. how fucking sweet.
"mmmm, it was delicious!!!!"
that was a direct quote.
fucking i love robert so much.
GET BETTER BITCH!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lookhere's journal